For real. I'm going down, feeling sad and I have no idea why.
I have thoughts about reasons why, but can't think of anything worth these sad moments I've had lately.
My list of reasons goes like this;My job.
It started as something great but they are asking too much from me knowing I am no professional in the area and the one who's in charge of my team just keeps telling me the same '' You were chosen to work here for a reason '' ... bullshit. After working there for half a year, I've noticed I'm there just to fill that space and also, I get paid half of what my co-workers are paid, which is stupid and I can surely sue them for that reason, but if I do, I'll lose my job. You may be thinking that I could get another one pretty fast, but... it's not that easy, though I do feel this need to leave the job, like I don't care about anything anymore. Not even my students y'know... and I don't want to pass this bad feeling to them, because as you may know as students, having a teacher who doesn't like their job and is just there because ''they got no better option'' is stressing for both students and the teacher, I'd rather leave soon than become that kind of teacher. My relationship.
Not getting to deep in this one, but I got to say both Squirrel and I have been feeling stressed these past weeks and fought for stupid reasons we can't even explain to each other, and I'm starting to feel weird, I do love my sweetheart but I'm having a bad hunch ... I don't want anything bad to happen to us, but I'm trying to keep myself positive, trying to ignore this bad feeling I have...My place.
I live in an apartment now, with my mom. She had a bad argument with the owner of the building and I have some sort of bad thoughts about that, it feels like he wants to kick us out soon... I've started to look for new places to go, because this guys face when he looks at me is an '' I hate you with all my heart ''.
All that text may seem as a hardtime but I've been through harder times and I could stand up for myself up to now, I'm starting to feel like I'm being affected by those events even if they are small. I'm starting to want to leave that job... for real. I'm kind of desperate about that, to the point I wouldn't mind working at mc donalds... or start taking commissions soon, just to pay my bills ...